When The Hero Is Not A Hero
by NivMizzet6977
Summary: An idea in the "What if Shirou was raised in...?" thread born when TheSpy, Heroslayer and myself were talking about a Shirou raised in Disgaea-verse Makai. Originally posted in Beast's Lair. Word count's wrong, not sure why.
1. Prologue

**When the Hero is not a Hero**(Fate/Stay Night x Disgaea)  
Prologue: Evil's Miscalculation, Good's Loss - The Future Hero takes a Wrong Turn  
_  
Suffering_

Angra Mainyu, All The World's Evils, was content.  
_  
Pain_

The Fourth Holy Grail War came to a close and everyone involved had a healthy dose of pain and suffering.  
_  
Despair_

No survivors, exactly how the evil incarnation wanted it.  
_  
Defeat_

While the destruction of the ley line was going to be a huge pain in his evil backside, it'll only mean that he'd be forced to conduct the Fifth War earlier than normal. And the chance to bring about death and destruction ahead of schedule was a good thing in his evil book.

But amidst the chaos, amidst the blazing inferno that is swallowing the city piece by piece, a lone child could be seen, making his way through the flames. The boy will die soon, that much was obvious. But the fact that something survived the flames created by _he,_ Angra Mainyu himself was not to be tolerated. In a fit of impatience and rage, the avatar of evil decided to send the child to hell. But the rashness of the act caused some miscalculations on Angra Mainyu's part. For someone who prided himself to be All the Evils of the World has forgotten just how many hells exist.__

Somewhere else...

A blue haired child with large hair antennae and a billowing scarf was trying to persuade a white haired boy that the blue haired child was the white haired boy's father. Keyword being trying.  
Beside the blue haired boy was a red haired woman, who, in what passes to be a motherly tone, claims that she is the white haired boy's mother. What nobody expected was for a red haired boy, about six years of age, to appear before them, barely conscious just as the red haired woman was talking.

"I am your mother..."

The red haired boy and the red haired woman stared at each other.

"You're my mother?"

Suffice to say, everyone present but one were amused.

-  
_  
An indefinite amount of time later..._

Etna, Prince Laharl's _seemingly_ loyal vassal was chasing a red haired teenager across the streets of the Makai, clutching a spear in her arm and a horde of blue penguins following her.

"You're dead! You hear me? DEEEEAAAAD!"

The teenager laughed as if hearing death threats from his mother was a common occurrence.

"What are you gonna do about it, old lady?"

Etna snarled, a sound that most definitely wouldn't come from a lady, erupted from her lips. She plucked the  
closest penguin from the ground and hurled it at the boy.

"Today's dish: Shirou, flambeed in Prinny oil!"

The explosion rocked the entire kingdom. And when the smoke cleared, the boy, now known as Shirou, was gone.

-

Shirou, no last name, had done many things. Blew up Prinnies, angered Etna, mooned Laharl, angered Etna, groped Flonne's butt, angered Etna and angered Etna. But despite all that, his mother never actually blew him up with enough force to blast him back to Earth.

"Hmph. She must've been really angry. I'm not sure whether it's because I stole her panties or convinced Laharl to steal her Sea of Gehenna Pudding. But no matter. I've heard that there are powerful heroes of justice here on Earth. I'll just beat them up until I'm at a high enough level to kick my mom's ass! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

And as Etna's child, adopted or not, it wasn't surprising that his luck would bring his laughter to the attention of the red clad archer and the blue clad lancer that was having an epic fight to the death several meters away.

-

Shirou wandered the streets aimlessly, a bit annoyed at the wound in his chest. The guy in blue seemed to think it was a good idea to pierce his heart with a lance. Shirou didn't know how long he was unconscious but he vowed to exact his revenge on that spearman or he'd eat a Prinny.

"Tch. Didn't he know that he can't kill me? I'm the protagonist of this story. There's no way that a borderline homo like that is going to strip me of my screen time."

He stopped at the edge of a field that looked like it was razed to the ground several years ago. A feeling of dread permeated the area, enveloping the entire place with a gloomy atmosphere. Shirou gazed at the field in awe.

"This place is perfect! The murderous aura surrounding it reminds me so much of mom that I wouldn't be homesick!"

He clapped his hands and a group of Prinnies appeared before him. Five minutes later, a massive mansion stood in the middle of the defiled ground.

-

The spearman stared at the annoying brat in front of him. He tracked down the kid, who so rudely survived his attack, and found out that the kid lived alone in a mansion smack dab in the middle of a tainted field. It was disconcerting, to say the least, but he had to act like the cool and collected guy that he is.

"Nothing personal kid, but I'm gonna have to kill you."

Shirou scoffed at the obviously minor character. Every story always had a character that allowed the protagonist to show his awesomeness.

"Mwahahahaha! I'm already at level 700! You dare challenge my power?"

The spearman frowned. This kid was treating life as one of those modern day video games? Well, the kid was going to die anyway so might as well let him have his fun.

And thus, it was to Lancer's surprise when the kid blocked his prized weapon by a spear that looked flimsier than a rolled up poster.

"Hah! Feel the wrath of the cheapest spear ever!"

Shirou thrust his spear again, forcing Lancer to step to the side just in time to hear a squeaky "Dood!" before his face was ravaged by a rabid penguin wielding two knives.

"What in Scathach's name?"

The rest of his words was left unheard as the penguin blew up in his face, sending Lancer flying out of the house. Shirou followed his assailant's trajectory to see Lancer glaring at him.

"I was going to grant you a painless death, but now I've decided to make you suffer!"

Shirou shrugged. He'd had worse threats from Etna after all. Lancer lunged at him again, only to be repelled by the sudden appearance of a blond woman wielding an invisible weapon.

"Hey! Where'd you come from? You're stealing all the spotlight!" Shirou yelled. The blonde stared at him with wide eyes before visibly composing herself.

"I ask of you. Are you my master?"

Her master? What the hell is this girl talking about? Wait, could it be?

"Hah! And Etna says I'll never have a vassal of my own! Take that, you old prune!"

It was at that moment when a murderous intent rooted Lancer, Saber and Shirou to their spots.

"Old prune, am I?"

Prinnies flew, explosions occurred and a blue clad Lancer blasted off at the speed of light. Several meters away, an unsuspecting brunette magus and her red clad Servant faced the same fate when a stray airborne penguin found them.

"Watch out, Dood!"

Cue Prinnyplosion.


	2. Chapter 1

When the Hero is not a Hero(Fate/Stay Night x Disgaea)  
Chapter 1: Herkzerker Arrives - Mad Warrior Versus Insane Hero

-

Arturia Pendragon, the Once and Future King of Britain and Servant Saber, decided that her new Master is insane. After the red headed woman, who she learned was Shirou's mother, blew up Lancer (and everything around him). she proceeded to curbstomp Shirou for "boasting about his pitiful level" and calling her a "soggy old carcass". Saber was too stunned by that turn of events to intervene. Her Master then thought it was a good idea to blow the red haired woman a raspberry. It was several hours later before Shirou was conscious enough for proper introductions to be made

-

Saber panted with exhaustion as the last of the strange beings that confronted her was sliced in two by her invisible blade. She didn't know how long she was in this strange world, avoiding strangely colored floor tiles and beating up even stranger creatures. Her Master didn't even give her the chance to talk when he exclaimed:

"As your new Lord, note the capital letter, I command you, my vassal, to fight in my stead!"

And in a flash of light, she found herself somewhere else. After what seemed like hours of plowing through various enemies, she surmised that her Master must be testing her mettle by making her fight horde upon horde of opponents with a variety of abilities, strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps, she mused, my Master might not be as insane as I thought.

-

After finding what seemed to be a portal, Saber found herself face to face with her Master, who was staring at a girl in pink and red clothing expectantly. The girl handed her Master a small stick like object before vanishing in a swirl of flames. Her Master turned to her, looking giddy.

"Master? What was that place you sent me to?"

Shirou unwrapped the stick of gum he received from the Red Mage and began chewing it.

"Eh? That was the Item World of this gum. See, it's a place where you can train by beating up the imperfections in the item, all of which seem to have a fondness for demonic forms. And I admit that you did a good job vassal. This is the sweetest gum I've ever tasted! I think you got rid of every imperfection in it."

Saber's eye twitched. So her Master threw her into a strange world full of dangerous enemies... just so his gum would be sweeter? He reminded her so much of Merlin and all the things he put her through in the guise of training that it was scary.

-

Tohsaka Rin and her Servant, Archer, stood in front of the mansion that just suddenly appeared in the middle of the abandoned park. As the magical supervisor of Fuyuki, it was her duty to make sure that the obviously magical residents of the new dwelling knew their place. But before she could even knock, a blue and gold blur rushed towards her at alarming speeds. Archer jumped in front of her and blocked a blow from the blur, resulting in his blades shattering. Rin forced Archer to astralize before the enemy could deliver a finishing blow. However, this had the side effect of leaving her open to attack.

"Stop, vassal!"

The seals that Shirou didn't even knew existed on his right arm glew before part of it disappeared. The now revealed Saber turned to her Master questioningly.

"But Master! She's an enemy Master! It would be easier if we get rid of her now!"

Shirou shook her head. Such an ignorant vassal.

"If you kill her, then the plot will take too long to advance! And I will not wait until next month before my next big appearance happens! Now you, tsundere mage, take me to the Church!"

Rin blinked, decided that she had no choice if she wanted to live and nodded.

-

After a meeting with the creepy priest that reminded Shirou too much of Geoffrey, Shirou couldn't help but feel excited. For some reason, he knew that the girl taking him to the Church was important if he wanted the upcoming big scene but to actually be part of a War where Heroic Spirits are summoned was too good to be true. In fact, Heroic Spirits are pretty cloe to Heroes of Justice that Shirou was sure that he'd receive a bucketload of experience points if he was to beat one. Speaking of Heroic Spirits...

"Good evening."

A child-like voice came from behind them as a platinum haired girl who looked to be ten years of age made her appearance. Saber stood protectively in front of her Master as Rin backed away from the girl.

"You're Ilyasviel von Einzbern!"

The girl stared at them for a moment before exclaiming.

"Avalon was lost during the fire ten years ago. And the only way for you to summon that Servant is if you had it. If you hand it over, I'll tell Berserker to kill you as painlessly as possible.

Shirou had no idea what or who this Avalon was but the appearance of the massive being behind the girl derailed his train of thoughts.

"MWAHAHAHA!"

Everyone stared at him like he was crazy, including Berserker.

"I know what you are!" he declared, pointing at massive figure. Ilyasviel giggled.

"You're funny."

"Hmph. That fierce gaze! Those impossibly overdeveloped muscles and the presence of a loli as a sidekick! It's obvious that you're a Hero of Justice! Now tremble in fear as I pound you to the ground!"

Saber sighed. Exactly like Merlin, indeed. She decided to take the initiative before her Master did something stupid and charged Berserker. With a single swing of the madman's club-like weapon, Saber found herself rolling on the ground.

"Master! Stay back!" she exclaimed as she saw Shirou approach the beast. Ilyasviel scoffed.

"Is this all Servant Saber can do? Then again, Berserker is the strongest Servant. He is after all Greece's most famous hero." From the sidelines, Rin gasped.

"He's..."

"Yep. Berserker's true name is Herakles!"

Shirou pulled out a spear from his pocket. The spear looked like it was a cardboard cutout.

"Bla bla bla. Yada yada yada." Berserker took this as an insult and in a second, the madman was in front of Shirou.

"GRAAAAAAAWR!"

"Master!" Saber was, fortunately, too far to intervene.

CLANG

The sound didn't make sense. A massive stone club-axe against a cardboard spear shouldn't make a metallic sound. But it did. And even more surprising is the fact that the cardboard spear wasn't even damaged. The ground beneath Shirou's feet wasn't as lucky though. The force of the blow was strojng enough to shatter the concrete that Shirou was standing on. But the spear still wasn't damaged. Shirou grinned, before he let go of the spear and with speed that can't be rivaled by all but the fastest Servants, poked Berserker in the chest. His finger glowed green and...

"Blast finger!"

The explosion rocked the entire street and it was a miracle that not a single soul was awakened by the noise. As the smoke cleared, Ilya found herself gaping as Berserker regenerated himself. She pointed accusingly at Shirou.

"What are you? You killed Berserker!"

Shirou stared at the obviously alive Servant for a second.

"Killed him? As if a Hero of Justice will fall so easily! He wouldn't be worth the SP if he was." Berserker roared and was hit by a flying penguin.

Another explosion rocked the street and Shirou found himself crashing into a wall. On top of a lamp post stood a familiar red haired woman with a devil's tail.

"Shirou! If you want to make explosions with your friends, do it somewhere I won't be awakened by your racket!"

Off to the side, Ilya was having an aneurysm.

"Y-You! You killed Berserker too!" Etna stared at the obviously alive monster and then at the obviously mental girl.

"Unless you want to be punished alongside my idiotic son, I suggest you go home." she declared with an evil grin forming on her face. Ilya and Rin took the threat at face value, as they should, and fled as far away as possible. Etna turned to Shirou and Saber while polishing her spear.

"It's been a while since I've had a good brawl..."

Saber gulped and wondered if this was one of her Master's training sessions. There and then, she decided that her Master was even worse than Merlin Emrys


End file.
